Monday, April 13, 2009

SERIOUSLY!!???!!?

SO someone or something somewhere does not want me to catch a break. Atleast its how I feel at the moment. My dad ended up being admitted to the hospital today. Logans bday party is Saturday. I have a TON to do before then. My brother brought my mom to my house to stay here. How in the world am I going to squeeze this in now!!!??? I know my dad has no control that he ended up in the hospital.
I am at the point now of giving up pretty much. I mean really just let my dad go and be at peace now if there really is no chance. I may be horrible for thinking this way but why drag it out any longer. I just don't know what to do anymore.
My mom needs to be in a home where they can care for her the way she needs to be cared for. I can't do it anymore! I just cant!! I really feel I am at my breaking point now. All I keep saying recently is that I am done. I even said it to my dad last week. I guess I give up.....thats pretty sucky. I am feeling really down tonight and just really angry. I dont even know what I am angry about. I am mad still that I am going to lose both of my parents. In a sense I really already lost my mom pretty much. I am mad my dad won't get it thru his thick head that he can't take care of my mom. I am mad that I am female and apparently only I can take care of my mom.(weird, I know) I am mad that I havent even had a chance to feel the way I should be feeling going thru all I am going thru. I am mad the Dr didnt catch it sooner. I am mad taht I am gonna have to bring my mom with me everywhere I have to go this week and worry about if she is going to faint on me. I know she is gonna have a fainting spell, She can not be at stores anymore. Its way to overwhelming for her. How in the hell am I gonna get anything ready for this weekend? I am mad that I just now found out that Medicare will cover home health...all I need to do is have the Dr write an order for it!! WHY NO ONE TOLD ME THIS BACK IN OCTOBER IS BEYOUND ME!!!
I am mad I need to feel this way. I am not an angry person at all. I am always easy going and happy. Don't get me wrong I get mad, but this is just all to much. I just need help.
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